A month since

It's been exactly 4 weeks since the accident. The flashbacks have gone down in frequency. My changed habits haven't.
- I am rarely over the speed limit
- I rarely make a left turn unless the other car's like a half mile away
- I keep looking at other people doing rash things on the road and wincing
- I am more patient; whereas before, if somebody was trying to cut me off, I would have sped up, now I just let them go.
I still get a little hyperventilated and slightly weepy when I think of that day. I still replay it in my mind, trying to think of what I missed. I still get the shakes when I see pictures of my Element. I remember the impact when the car hit me. I vividly remember how my windshield spiderwebbed. I remember the punch of the airbag into the left side of my face because I had turned my head to the right to look at what hit me. I remember feeling the car tilt and slide across the road. I don't remember the order of those events. I remember screaming, just to ensure myself I was alive.
I am not sure the flashbacks will ever go away. I keep thinking of people I would have left behind and of course then I tell Jeff that he better have mourned a year before remarrying. And, my sister says she would have never let him remarry. But, you get the point. I don't think I have PTSD but it's pretty damn close and I am hoping it goes away eventually. I just want to remind everyone life is so precious and your actions don't ust affect you; they affect the people you love and who love you. Be careful in your daily lives and remember to tell your loved ones how much you lvoe them as often as you can.

My Element's Eugoogly

I am not the best eugooglizer out there; I am sure Zoolander wins that award. However, I am going to try to do my best to eugooglize my 1st car.

Let me first explain that my Honda Element really wasn't my very first car. My 1st car was a VW Rabbit that ran on diesel. It was given to me by the Dean at my first school because they were thinking of getting rid of it. They, instead, gave it to me. That car would blow dark black horrific smelling plumes of smoke behind it, especially if I was trying to go up a hill. That car served me well for the few months I had it.

But my Honda Element. Now, that was love at first sight. I was driving down a road, going from visiting 1 apartment to another apartment for our move to MD. I saw a Silver Element with blue trim standing outside a dealership. I immediately pulled my car into their lot, wlake din and asked the first salesman I saw, "How do I buy that car?" I then test drove it and fell even more in love with it. That was probably my one impulse buy that cost more than $10. Way more.

That car was great. It hauled so much stuff for us. A queen sized captain's bed was transported in it in just 2 trips. I felt safe driving on the freeway with it. Those hulking trucks didn't look as big when I was in my Element. The front wasn't too long and I could maneuver it any which way on the turn of a dime. That car could be hosed out. Who cares that in the 3+ years we owned it, we never hosed it out. The thing was, you could do it if you needed to.

*SIGH* I'll miss you. I never even named you. I hope you come back as somebody else's first love, my nameless first love car.