Proud parent moment

Love this goofy little one!

Voicemail that starts with “good morning Ms. Williams, this is so and so from Oliver’s morning care at Waterloo Elementary... “

 Uh oh ... dun dun dun

 Every parent knows what went through my head .... he’s done something bad, something bad happened to him, he bit somebody, somebody bit him, blood, was there blood, was it his or not, did he say something nasty, did he tell them my weight ... all in 2 seconds waiting for the rest of he message!

 But no, today, it was: “I just wanted to tell you that Oliver was playing ball with another boy and he did something so lovely. When the boy won, Oliver went to him with his hand out to shake and said “good game.” I watch a lot of children and in today’s day, it’s rare to see this graciousness, respect, good sportsmanship and I just wanted you to know.”

 Cue my heart swelling up in pride! That’s our boy and I hope we can keep helping him be kind and good!

 ETA: I forgot to say we have so many evenings where we feel like failures as parents that I want to record moments like these to remind us!

Nowhere except on FaceBook

Things I've suddenly realized I can't get anywhere except on FaceBook:

• Discussions and happenings about the Howard County Schools - there is a group of folks invested in this nut it's all on FB.
• My activism - the groups and their events are all on FB, how do folks not on there find out or join in?
• Friends' events - nobody sends out evites anymore! If Jeff wasn't on it, I wouldn't know what somebody was trying to invite me to.

How did we do this before social media became so ubiquitous? How did we connect with like minded people who wanted to stand for something and fight for somebody's rights? We had leaders like Dr. King who spoke from pulpits and street corners. But, how do we do that now that it's not 1 leader but small groups trying to activate the sense of justice and speak against injustices of all kinds? Where do I find these folks if I am not on FB?


How do I find out what parents of my ilk are discussing what's going on in our schools?


What happens if the entire Internet goes down tomorrow? I have this image of people suddenly sitting on their couches, thumbs and fingers twitching, unable to figure out how to connect to the outside world. I am part of the same problem. I don't have a solution but I think we need to discuss this further.

A year later ...

Wow, It's been an entire year since I posted, not even sure anybody's listening anymore! What with Facebook and Twitter giving people a forum to spit out viewpoints and rebuttals quickly and succinctly, do people still blog anymore? Well, I am going to try and do it again!


Let's start with where we left off. The jar of questions to get your kid to talk; it was awesome! He loved the idea! We started with a question a day when we'd have dinner together, and we went through all the questions, and he wanted to do it again! So, we threw them all back in, and restarted!


2018! I can't believe it. I can't believe I survived 40, finished a lot of my 40by40 goals (didn't lose the weight though ugh, more on that later), and am staring 41 in the face!


So, 2018, no new goals, no new resolutions. Same old ones:

• Try to do good every day
• Stand up for myself and mine
• Stand up for those who can't stand up for themselves
• Be more vocal in my standing up
• Speak up against prejudice wherever I see it, whether it's overt stereotyping or the use of words irresponsibly
• Teach my son to do the same
• Take more time to tell my loved ones how much they mean to me
• Make more phone calls (ok, maybe start with more texts)
• Limit social media

So, to that effect, and to be successful at all of that, I've deleted my Facebook account. For now. I can't not have it, for the simple reason that we have family and dearest of friends spread wide across the US and the world, and it is the most effective way right now to keep in touch with them.  Also the reason I keep it as locked down as I can; if I don't friend you, you can't find me. When I come back, there will be some cleaning up there too. If we are local and haven't seen each other in months, are we really "friends?" I don't need or want my private thoughts and my public activity and my family's activities to be viewed by so called acquaintances. We can hang otherwise. We can email and text and go to Happy Hours. Facebook is very private to me though and not open to everyone I come in contact with.


In just 2 days without FaceBook, I have read 2 books, cooked a couple new meals from scratch, enjoyed lengthy hot showers without wondering what was newly updated, and have avoided running into pillars. ;-)




Next goal: write more and react less!

How to get your child to talk

Oh, this isn't an educative post on ways to get your kid to talk to you. This is a reflective post on how freaking hard it is! We started doing "3 interesting things that happened today" at dinner time, in order to get more than one word answers to our typical questions, you know the ones! "How was your day?" "How was school?" "What did you do?" And, the 3 interesting things worked well for a while, but after 5.5 months of school, things are starting to repeat themselves. So, I turned to the all-knowing Google for ideas. And, the conversation jar was born.

You can see I am so not a DIYer! I couldn't even glue the top to the jar correctly:

But, I got an empty jar and filled it with 30 questions to begin with:

I looked at many different blogs and sites and picked 30 that I thought would be appropriate for Oliver's age:

I will update on how things go with the conversation jar!

Teach Your Children Well

Oliver asked me the other day what "bitch" meant because he heard it on a cooking competition. I explained the meaning to him - a female dog - and then explained that people use it in a derogatory manner towards others and that's not a nice thing. He understood and said ok. So, tomorrow, if he calls somebody a bitch, he doesn't have the excuse of being ignorant and will deserve whatever punishment Jeff and I deem ok.

In the same vein, I don't understand how high school kids can claim ignorance of "black face," and "n****r". There is no way they got to their age without hearing that, what win social media. That tells me that either they were never corrected by their parents or were actually encouraged.

I have no sympathy for a thing adult who takes a racist, sexist, xenophobic, hatred towards any group motivated action. It's not a joke. Your parents should have raised you better. And, as high schoolers, you deserve the reaction to your action.

I will not be tolerant towards intolerance.
I will not show love towards hatred.
I will not turn the other cheek when somebody spits on me for who I am.

& that's how I will raise my son to be!

Being untrue to myself

This is fear. This is trepidation for my child. This is what the current political climate made me do tonight.

 

What is this?

 

This is me taking a permanent black Sharpie and coloring in pink lines on sneakers. We bought these on clearance at Columbia in CA last year. When we got back here, I saw the color and so did Oliver, and he loved them.

 

Tonight, he asked if he could wear them tomorrow. Of course he can!!! But, then I started thinking of the hatred that has gained voice and volume since the election results came out. And, I wanted to protect my 6 year old. I wanted to keep him from the ugliness of the world around him that's reared its head in the past few weeks. So, I took a black marker and colored in everything pink on the outside. And, I cried inside the entire time. Because, I'm doing what I've fought against his entire life. Boys can wear pink if they want. Boys can wear dresses if they want. Boys and girls can do whatever each of them want.

 

And, today, out of fear for my son's innocence, I did something that goes against everything I believe in. And, that kills a little piece of me inside.

Why I am angry!

I didn't unfriend people when President Bush won. I was a staunch Democrat. I didn't even unfriend when they were speaking against President Obama with vitriol, calling him not a citizen and Muslim and what not. But, neither one of them ran on a platform of pure hate against residents of this country.

That's the difference today. If you voted for President Elect Trump, you sided with:

- his call to be violent against the other side, which affects me personally & my family & friends

- his call to target Muslims which affects my friends and coworkers who are now afraid to wear their hijab in public

- his call to target Hispanics which affects my son's classmates who are wondering if they are going to be deported

- his call to hate and conduct violence against African Americans which affects my black friends, coworkers, neighbors

- his call to end same sex marriages which affects so many of my friends, 4 of whose wedding we've taken Oliver to, to show him love comes in many forms

- his call to end funding to very important health services for women which affects a lot of young and poor women

- his call to repeal laws that allow women to have choice over their body which affects me

- his call to end the Affordable Care Act which affects my brother's and sister's (not by blood but holy hell they might as well be) ability to get critical coverage for their son who's on the spectrum

- his call to treat women like possessions to paw at whenever you want which affects me personally motherfuckers. Go talk to any woman around you and you'll hear multiple stories of being treated like that. Groped on a bus. Whistled at and then called a bitch because she didn't reply or smile. Threatened with violence because she wouldn't have sex after he bought her dinner. And so many more!

You cannot tell me you voted for him and don't side with him on any of these. And if you side with him on even one of these, I'd like to not be around you. I'd like my child to not be around you. Because I teach him to be around those who help others, are kind even when not agreeing, who don't bully others and by hanging around you, I will be teaching him it's ok to have hate in your heart.

And no, my intolerance of the hate listed above does not make me intolerant.

40 days of home cooked meals

One of my 40 by 40 goals is to have 40 days of home cooked meals - breakfasts, lunches and dinners. And that begins next Tuesday. We are celebrating Oliver's birthday on Monday at Victoria Gastro Pub, where we go every year, since their brunch is what I attribute going into labor to ;-)


I have my November plan done, and barring 2 days where we have family in from out of town, we are going to eat a home cooked meal every day, every meal. We are going to eat it at a friend's house one day; some are frozen meals I need to use up, but I am hoping it gets us into a groove of eating healthier, saving money and discovering new foods.


Here's my meal plan, totally subject to change:

September update: 40 by 40 in 40 weeks!

It's only been about 10 days since I made my 40 list! I figured I'd do an update at the end of every month.


So far, this month, I have:

1	Lose 40 lbs or 40 inches Blech, I might have gained a couple
2	Walk 40 miles each month Close to 80 miles total,
3	Read 40 new books 2 down, 38 to go
4	Try 40 new hot sauces 1 down, 39 to go
5	Have 40 phone conversations with family/friends 3 down, 37 to go
6	Try 40 new beers 1 down, 39 to go
7	Try 40 new exercises/workouts uhhhh yeah gotta get on this
8	Read 40 new books to Oli 1 down, 39 to go
9	Donate $40 to a charity $175 donated to 2 different things
10	Write 40 love notes 2 down, 38 to go
11	Try 40 new recipes 2 down, 38 to go
12	Send 40 post cards/letters 3 down, 37 to go
13	Give 40 hugs a month pretty sure I got these
14	40 free activities with Jeff & Oli uhhhh yeah gotta get on this
15	Introduce myself to and have conversations with 40 strangers 2 down, 38 to go
16	Watch 40 new movies 2 down, 38 to go
17	Volunteer 40 hours of my time uhhhh yeah gotta get on this
18	Donate 40 pieces of clothing uhhhh yeah gotta get on this
19	Get rid of 40 things from the house uhhhh yeah gotta get on this
20	Get a tattoo (just 1, not 40) I have a concept, just need to get the designs to the parlor
21	Learn to swim uhhhh yeah gotta get on this
22	Drink 40 oz of water every 4 hrs been pretty good with this
23	Run 40 miles (>= 5 mph) (not at once) think I've run a total of 1 mile if that
24	Do 40 random acts of kindness 2 down, 38 to go
25	Go camping in a national park need to research and booking a site for Spring 2017
26	Donate blood again uhhhh yeah gotta get on this
27	Floss at least 40 days uhhhh yeah gotta get on this
28	Blog 40 times 2 down, 38 to go
29	Have 40 family game nights 2 down, 38 to go
30	Present at a professional conf. need to find my topic, write a proposal and be accepted
31	Have a girls' only weekend away have 1 planned for December!!!
32	Bury a family time capsule to open at Oli's school graduation need to start collecting items
33	Buy 40 shares  (after research) need to research
34	Drive 40 miles away for dinner need to Google places
35	Try 40 new fruits and/or veggies have 2 veggies - Chinese cabbage & napa kale, and 1 fruit - cactus pear, to try
36	Buy bikes for us & teach Oli to ride need to research & buy
37	Log at least 40 hours at the gym 3 down, 37 to go
38	Brew my own beer uhhhh yeah gotta get on this
39	Eat 40 consecutive home cooked meals have 40 days marked off in Nov and Dec for no eating out
40	Write 40 letters to Oli, with Jeff, to give him when he's grown up have a notebook picked out, that counts, right?

40 by 40 in 40 weeks

Thanks to everyone who weighed in! I looked at everyone's suggestions and kept in mind that it couldn't be too easy, like smiling at 40 strangers, that I do in a week ;-). And, it couldn't be so hard that I am setting myself up to fail, like running 40 5Ks, which averages to a week and impossible when I haven't run in close to 2 years.


So ta-da!!!

1	Lose 40 lbs or 40 inches
2	Walk 40 miles each month
3	Read 40 new books
4	Try 40 new hot sauces
5	Have 40 phone conversations with family/friends
6	Try 40 new beers
7	Try 40 new exercises/workouts
8	Read 40 new books to Oli
9	Donate $40 to a charity
10	Write 40 love notes
11	Try 40 new recipes
12	Send 40 post cards/letters
13	Give 40 hugs a week
14	40 free activities with Jeff & Oli
15	Introduce myself to and have conversations with 40 strangers
16	Watch 40 new movies
17	Volunteer 40 hours of my time
18	Donate 40 pieces of clothing
19	Get rid of 40 things from the house
20	Get a tattoo (just 1, not 40)
21	Learn to swim
22	Drink 40 oz of water every 4 hrs
23	Run 40 miles (>= 5 mph) (not at once)
24	Do 40 random acts of kindness
25	Go camping in a national park
26	Donate blood again
27	Floss at least 40 days
28	Blog 40 times
29	Have 40 family game nights
30	Present at a professional conf.
31	Have a girls' only weekend away
32	Bury a family time capsule to open at Oli's school graduation
33	Buy 40 shares  (after research)
34	Drive 40 miles away for dinner
35	Try 40 new fruits and/or veggies
36	Buy bikes for us & teach Oli to ride
37	Log at least 40 hours at the gym
38	Brew my own beer
39	Eat 40 consecutive home cooked meals
40	Write 40 letters to Oli, with Jeff, to give him when he's grown up

I will update as I do things :-) I have a spreadsheet printed out for me to mark off as I finish things, because it is satisfying to cross things off with a pen.

40 before 40

So, all my close friends know I am dreading the big 4-Oh next year. I have threatened to go away and hide for a week. I have said I won't come out of my bed. I have stated I'd like to find a way to stop time on 6/24/2017 so I didn't have to face it.

But, that's just crazy. So, I started thinking of positive things to do to make my 40th birthday look good. I decided to make a 40 by 40 list!!!

It had things like:

• read 40 new books
• lose 40 lbs
• see 40 different places
• ...

And I realized that's not me at all realistically!

So, my real 40 by 40 list would start off as:

• drink 40 new beers
• lose 40 Facebook friends 
• sleep 40 hours straight
• ...

Joking ...

I might want to come to the middle and come up with a realistic 40 by 40 list, that combines the 2 approaches:

•  read 40 new books
• try 40 new beers
• run 40 miles a month
• ...

Help me?

I can't sleep

I'm home with Oliver, after a week of being away from Oliver. This is familiar. This is my space, this is what I built for myself and my family.

It's almost 3 a.m. I can't sleep.

I had lowered the thermostat to 72 when we got home; the sounds from it downstairs made me a nervous wreck upstairs. I even walked the entire house with Oliver's Louiseville slugger. There's nobody in here. The house is alarmed,".

Yet, I cannot sleep.

I have emptied the dishwasher, emptied my suitcase and filled the washing machine.

And I still can't sleep.

Every little creak the house makes, every little sigh I hear ... I can't sleep.

I don't have this problem when Jeff's here.  But, without him, I'm imagining all sorts of things. Want macabre? I even imagined the pleadings with an intruder to not kill me because I didn't want my 5 yo finding my body!

Am I crazy? Overly anxious in a huge house without Jeff?

I don't know! All I know is I can't sleep!!!

I just heard a beep. I'm not even kidding you. I have 2 more nights of this bridge Jeff gets home and I'm not sure I can do it without going nuts!

Because I can't sleep!

I close my eyes and hear hordes downstairs, creeping up the staircase ... Maybe I've read too many true crime novels because I can way too easily imagine my fate. Yet, the house alarm is set and all the  doors are locked. So, if somebody were to breach a door, it would lead to a cacophony of sirens!

So, why can't I sleep?

I don't know and I fear I might go insane before I get my answers.

Because sleep deprivation as torture? I totally get it now.

Because I can't sleep!

Never not be afraid

We just watched the movie Croods. Where the patriarch of the prehistoric cave family, what's his family to be afraid of anything new. He doesn't understand or like his daghter's need to discover something new. He wants them to be afraid so he can protect them.

Does that sound familiar?

No?

Think again!

You might not be doing it in as many words, but do you hover over your child at a public playground?

Do you never leave your child at somebody elses's house for a play date by him or herself?

Do you not let your child play in your front or back yard without you being attached to him or her?

If you can answer yes to any of these questions, you are teaching your child to never not be afraid. Because, subconsciously, you are passing the message to your child that they can never be ok alone. Which is so dichotomous to what we want them to be - independent, strong, confident individuals who have the building blocks to become successful adults.

I don't think I may saying leave your kid in the middle of the woods, ala Hansel & Gretel,  but I am saying we need to stop being another appendage for our child(ren).

Let them walk a couple blocks by themselves.,

Let them scrape their knees at the playground.

Let them shed a tear because of that scrape.

Let them grow up like they are supposed to.





While I hang out behind a tree, hidden from Oliver so he can be confident, without knowing his mother's a weak as ;-)

don't teach your kids to never not be afraid! 

I can't ignore it anymore!

When FaceBook throws an old post in your face and makes you cry at work, you can't keep ignoring the fact that your child just turned 5 and could technically have started school! Oliver didn't start school because he's a late birthday, but still.

So, as he turns 5, his father and I are amazed at the things he does and learns and the ways he grows.


Some things haven't changed though. If he's awake, he's in motion. Constantly. No wonder the kid doesn't gain weight, even though he's outgrowing his pants, even the ones I just bought 2 months ago and that were 2 inches too long back then.

This photo is just so him.






He wants to help, he wants to carry things, he wants to push the cart, he wants to scan the items, he even wants to run my card and sign my name! Those last 2 things, I am going to have to keep my eye on!

But honestly, at 5, this one is helping out around the house. He has a list of chores - setting the dinner tables, getting the dog food & water, he puts away his folded laundry, he straightens his playroom after he & his friends have torn it apart at a play date, he uses the hand held vacuum cleaner to clean up small messes, he makes Jeff's coffee & his hot chocolate using the Keurig, he helps me cook!!!

I hope his wanting to help stays through his adulthood and his eventual future life partner will just repeat "I can't thank Oliver's mother enough for teaching him this well." Because, I thank my mother-in-law a lot for Jeff, who's not a helpless husband in any shape.

INDEPENDENT! holy moly, he's so independent! This morning, he informed me that in the middle of the night last night, he peeled a scab off his forehead, so he got down, got a band-aid and went back to bed. Jeff apparently heard him, and managed to get a photo.

On one hand, we are happy to see him grow and learn and not need us. On the other hand, my heart skips a beat at the thought of him one day not needing me for anything, and my lungs start to lose the ability to breathe and my eyes start to blur.

Parenthood. Always a dichotomy. Happiness & sadness at every milestone. Wanting to hold him tight and whisper, "don't stop being my baby," and screaming, "argh, if I hear mommmmy one more time!!!!"


We love you so much, our loud one, our adventurous one, our friendly yet randomly shy one. This last year has brought out your love for dinosaurs and questions of extinction, including when we'll go extinct. And some concerning conversations of our death ... but hey, we'll try to answer everything to the best of our abilities. We can't wait to see what the next year brings with you, but hopefully, you will not let go of the snuggle time in the morning that's become our tradition, or the random kisses and hugs you ask for.

We love you, we are proud of you, and you are our favorite child ;-)

yes, yes, I can already hear you yelling back at me, "But, mommmmy I am your ONLY CHILD!"

Why we don't scream at each other

Jeff and I went to a family counselor a few months ago. I was very proud that coming from a culture where corporal punishment for kids was the norm, I would never raise a hand against my child ... but I found myself raising my voice. And, research upon research shows that yelling has the same effect on a kid's psyche as hitting. So, I dragged Jeff and myself to a professional to gain insight into ways to deal with a headstrong child without losing it every time.

Then, I started reading articles like this: https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/peaceful-parents-happy-kids/201406/do-you-fight-in-front-your-kids

And, I realized it's not just about yelling at the child, it's also about yeling in the household. So, Jeff and I decided we would NOT yell at each other in front of Oli. Why that distinction? We know we shouldn't yell at each other at all ... however, we are human and sometimes we fail. But, we don't want to fail in that capacity in front of him.

Now, don't get me wrong. We disagree in front of him, we have our discussions. There is no way I want him to think a marriage is all roses and sunshine. There are compromises, there are disagreements, there are disappointments. What there isn't is disrespect, what there isn't is name calling, what there isn't is inequality between the partners. We treat each other as equals who decided to join each other in creating a life together and then bringing another life into being. We re responsible for this new life together and while we might not always agree on ways to deal with his headstrong life form, we do not disrespect each other's opinions and ideas.

Trust me, we infuriate each other all the time. What we don't do is insult each other or each other's opinions. We don't show Oli that it's ok to attack your partner verbally in any sort of agreement. What we don't teach our child is that it's ok to disrespect or insult the one person you've chosen to live the rest of your life with, with the words you chose or actions you make.

What we do or say in front of our children make a deeper impact than we might think in our daily lives. That single harsh word at our partner for loading the dishwasher wrong or the hands thrown up with an intake of breath because I don't like how the bed was made - that kid watches and learns and takes it with him to his future relationships.

Bottom line, I like, love and respect the man I've chosen to live my life with and raise a child with. If I didn't, I wouldn't stay with him. We've needed professional counseling a couple times, no shame in admitting that we are HUMAN, but we're going strong and hopefully showing Oli what a strong, cohesive relationship looks like, whenever he's ready in about 50 years to look for a partner for himself ;-)

Why I serve ...

I saved this from our Intranet site ... I submitted this a while ago, it just got published recently. I didn't even know, somebody in my office just told me yesterday :-D. Sorry, it's an image, so it might not be the easiest to read.

Sex and priorities in the U.S.

I believe the Duggars have worse problems than marital infidelity to worry about. I think it just shows again how weird the things we worry about it the U.S. are, that suddenly the fact that his email address showed up on a dating site for married people took over the fact that he abused his sisters, in the news. I mean seriously? Sex between consenting adults who obviously signed up on a site knowing everyone else who's signed up on there is married as well, versus abuse of minor females who've been raised to believe their self worth is pretty much nothing because they are just females.

Think about it. Which do you want to be outraged over at all? Not more. Just at all. Because for the married thing? It's nobody else's business but the cheater's spouse's.

Oh and btw, there are apparently websites you can go plug your email in to see if the database the hackers exposed has your email address in it ... Google it ;-)

Who's thinking of the users?

This post is a result of the article that was published in the Washington Post regarding the new United States Digital Services coming out of the Obama Administration (https://www.washingtonpost.com/blogs/the-switch/wp/2014/08/11/white-house-launches-u-s-digital-service-with-healthcare-gov-fixer-at-the-helm/). It's a great idea. It's a noble idea. I am personally working with some members of that team. They are wonderful, talented, amazing leaders in their fields. But when the lead architect/developer referes to usability testing as 508 testing and another member of the team whose background is a dual degree in coding and management mentions that their product teams have some people called UX researchers they call to conduct usability testing after their product is designed ... that makes me, as one of those pesky UX researcher people, worry.

You see, as one of those UX researchers, I wholeheartedly believe that in this quest to innovate and move our old slowmoving technology into the modern world, we are leaving the most important variable behind. Our user. We are not Google. We are not Facebook. Our users come to us to apply for services that we cannot afford for them to not understand. I have read the backgrounds of the brilliant minds who've been hired to move us into the 20th century of technology that's eluded us in the Federal government (due to funding, policy and other concerns that don't hound the private industry). I don't see anybody who's putting the user in the center and saying keep him in mind. As one of those UX researcher people, I believe the user needs to be involved in the entire process. Because for some things, the user doesn't care for flashiness. A social media platform can be flashy. A disability application needs to be easy to fill, easy to read, easy to navigate, easy to know what's going to happen afterwards ... But I could be wrong. What do I know? I am not the user! We can change the code, we can change the database, we can change the colors ... if you don't ask the people who are going to interact with it in the end while we are making those changes, it could still fail at the end.

It costs pennies to make a change at the blueprint stage, dollars to knowck down walls at the framing stage and millions after you're conducting the final walkthrough of a house. So, when would you rather ask a homebuilder what changes they want?

Why does it matter?

All over social media, people are posting photos of Freddy Gray's criminal history in order to justify his death.

You know why it matters?

Because he's a human being.

By saying that his death shouldn't matter, you are stating that the people in power have the ultimate decision making poweer over your life.

What happens tomorrow when they decide that list of criminal activities only has to be 5 long for you to be killed in the back of a van?

Or only 1 long?

Or just enough parking tickets?

When there are no checks and balances for those in power, that power gets corrupted.

It does not mean all people in power are corrupt.

It does not mean all those with a record deserve to die.

I have a record. Sealed. What happens when somebody decides that my immigrant status and my sealed record makes me a disposable human being?

Will y'all sit around and talk about how I deserved it?

I saw a meme today that is perfect for this:

Not every colored person is a criminal
Not every cop is a racist asshole

Some people of every color are assholes and criminals

We all need to be human, and attack it as humans, devoid of color, race, ethnicity ... can we do it in our lifetime or do I have to worry about my kid growing up in a divisive, racist, anti-humanistic society?

Things I remember

Daily dinners at 8 p.m. with the family, followed by television for an hour ... every day

Evenings spent in the front yard, playing card or board games with the family

Making quick runs to the neighborhood store for spicy snacks to have with tea

Birthdays and anniversaries celebrated with family friends we grew up with

Yearly vacations with the family to new places

Helping my dad clean the chicken we got at the butcher shop

Learning how to make a cake from my mom for the first time

Being encouraged to do whatever I wanted by my dad, to the incredulity of neighbors (because I am a girl ;-))

These are things I want Oli to remember when I am gone and he has his own kids to pass traditions on to.

Unlike me, he'll never be able to say he remembers a clean house ;-)

But I hope he can say he remembers eating all meals as a family

Snuggling on weekend mornings no matter what time we woke up

Seeing his parents at whatever activity he was in - swimming, gymnastics, baseball, soccer ...

Going on vacations to see new things and learning history

Having silly dance parties in the kitchen

Playing chutes and ladders, Uno or whatever game it is with his mom and dad

Singing to the radio while driving places


In the end, I hope he can tell his kids that his parents were there for him. That his childhood memories are of all of us together. Unclean house, piles of laundry not done, dirty dishes in the sink notwithstanding ;-)