A year to the day

today, I peed on a stick and found out I was pregnant. And now 365 days later, we have Oli. Our little man, our perfect little boy.

Where did the year go? I was just there sitting shocked in a restaurant bathroom wondering if a faint pink line meant the same as a strong pink line. I remember calling Jeff from work, whispering into the phone, wanting to laugh and cry at the same time, wondering what was going to happen to our life now.

I know people say they forget what life was before baby. I think they lie. I remember the nights I would sleep through. I remember the happy hours I attended without any thoughts of finding a babysitter. I remember throwing parties at our house without needing to take a break at 8 to put somebody to sleep. I remember hips that weren't as wide as Canada ;-). I remember showers that weren't 5 minutes long with an ear always turned to the nursery to listen for the softest sound. I remember errands that took me a quarter of the time it takes me now. I remember going out to eat without wondering if other patrons would be upset if the baby got fussy.

I am sure I could list more things here but my point is I very vividly remember life before Oliver. But, nothing that's changed makes me feel any differently about him. Look at that face. That curiosity, that wide eyed look that seems to say "mom, can I do this? think I can roll over? I'm going to try, 'k? Don't you worry about me." I can see that same look when he starts running around, when he glues something to the puppy's fur, when he rides his bike for the first time, when he wants that skateboard, oh my god, when he wants a tattoo like his dad ... I think I just sprouted some more gray hairs!

And I can see myself saying in another 20 years - how time flies!

Though this song on our shower CD is from the perspective of a dad, it goes without saying that the words are from my heart too:

 

Little Guy by Gord Bamford

You came into this world, in a blink of an eye.Well man how time really flies.You made me smile, and as a tear fell from my eye.You lit that room up little guy.It was the best day of my life.Now I'm a laugh with you, cry with you, let my love surround youAnd I'm dance with you pray for you and wrap my arms around you when you cryLittle guy
Cause I'm gonna be the best dad that I can,I'll take you by those little hands.And when you stumbled, I'll pick you right up.I'll be your number one fan.And watch you grow into a man.Now I'm a laugh with you, cry with you, and let my love surround you.And I'm a dance with you pray for you and wrap my arms around you when you cry,Little guy Your gonna grow older and wiser.And your gonna chase your dreams.And one day raise a family.And you'll know just what I mean.Son you mean the world to me.Now I'm a laugh with you, cry with you, let my love surround you.And I'm a dance with you pray for you and wrap my arms around you when you cry,Little guyI'm so glad your mine,Little guy