Going back to the gym after 3 weeks ...

• you will not be able to run like you did 3 weeks ago. Where you could do a mile without stopping; a quarter mile will make you gasp for breath like a fish out of water.
• a creepy old guy will walk into the ladies' locker room and look at you like you have 2 heads. And, when you smile and say "wrong one," he'll say, "I don't think so." I had to walk him out and point to the other door.
• you will drink water while running and think it tastes funny. Then, when you empty it out after the run, the water will be yellowish brown. I had filled an empty bottle before the run, so who the hell knows what I ingested this morning. I feel ok but if something was to happen to me today, there's a water bottle in locker 25 in the ladies' locker room that should be tested.