Wednesday, November 25, 2009

No such thing asa flawless marriage

According to Michelle Obama, "The image of a flawless relationship is ... unfair to the institution of marriage, and it’s unfair for young people who are trying to build something, to project this perfection that doesn’t exist.”

I just ran across an interview of Barack and Michelle Obama regarding their marriage and the struggles they've come through and thought that Michelle's comment above is so true. She also states that nobody tells you marriage is going to be hard when you are getting into it. At the time of the wedding, everyone's concern seems to be the dress and whether you love each other or not. Yes, love trumps all, but it's hard work and perseverance too. Now, I am not sure I could come up with something tougher than trying to make a marriage work while the eyes of the whole entire world are trained on you; so, I think we can learn from her words.

Marriage isn't all roses and sunshine. The days that are full of smiles are the easy ones. Tough are the days when you don't agree with your spouse, when you feel like you could strangle him/her because how could he/she be such an ass, when you might not be able to stand to even speak to him/her ... and those days are there. All of us in relationships can attest to that. Because honestly, it would be hard to find 2 people who agree on every single thing. If it isn't politics or religion you disagree on, it could be on how to discipline your children, or how often and how long to walk the dog for, it could even be the faucets you want in your redesigned bathroom. I don't think it matters what you disagree on, it's how you disagree and how you come out of the disagreements.

Let me tell you, being a woman has its advantages. A couple tears down my cheeks and I could probably have Jeff agreeing to anything I want. But, that's fighting unfair. We've had our share of arguments and I'm sure there are more than a few in our future. However, we have yet to resent each other for any of our arguments or any decisions that came out of those arguments. Yes, we've only been married 4 years, come December, but I don't think it's wrong to share what's working for us, is it?

1. No unfair tactics. I don't cry just so he'll give up and say yes.
2. No name calling. Just like they taught us in debate, we attack the position, not the person.
3. Take a few minutes away from each other if the tempers start rising.
4. Don't go to bed angry. I know there are both sides on this, but I also know from experience that going to bed without resolving the issue just leads to a night of bad sleep and heartburn. See #3 if resolution doesn't happen fast; cool your jets and come back to the issue.
5. Kiss and make up at the end, no matter who won or even if you decided to agree to disagree.

Tuesday, November 24, 2009


This is a test

This is where I piss off half the civilized world

and I don't care. Even though I have strong feelings on this topic, I have never really expressed them for fear of upsetting people. Well, eff people (see? I am still concerned about upsetting people so I won't even swear properly).

Let me give this a little pre-note: this isn't aimed at any generation except mine and the ones after us. Why? Because our generation seems to be so gung-ho on environment issues and not leaving a big carbon footprint. We buy Hybrids, and use recyclable bags in grocery stores. We throw daggers with our eyes at people who dare throw their soda can in the garbage. Well, you know what the largest freakin' carbon footprint is? Children.

This is where y'all attack me like zombies and eat my brains for a mid-noon snack.

But, hear me out first, as you sharpen your steak knives and start the big pot of water boiling. It's no surprise that the world population is headed towards disaster. When I was little, even the Prime Minister of India started a campaign that said: Hum Do, Hamare Do. It translates literally to: Us Two, Ours Two which implies that stick to 2 children. Why? Because that keeps the population from rising. the implication being a mother and father will die and the 2 children pretty much replace their space on earth. Well, with advances in medicine, more people started living longer and the replacement figures didn't really work. And, people were still having more than 2 children. So, the campaign actually changed to asking people to only have one child.

Think about it. The question isn't whether you can support your children or not (unlike the Octomom in CA, who can't but went for it because God will somehow help her or Cable TV). The question is can the environment, can Mother Earth really handle it? And how selfish for somebody to say that they don't care; they'll have as many kids as they can afford. Do they give thought to a future 100 years down the road? Will there be enough resources; water, oil, even frickin' land to support those generations? How selfish to not think about that. According to the UNFPA, "In the next century, temperature is expected to increase by 6.4 degrees Celsius, resulting in change in climatic patterns leading to intense tropical storms, floods, water scarcity, loss of glacier melt-water, food shortages and health crisis, the report said." Also, "Slower population growth... would help build social resilience to climate change's impacts and would contribute to a reduction of greenhouse-gas emissions in the future," the UN Population Fund (UNFPA) says.

Have 1 kid if you want; have 2 if you REALLY think you need to. But, any more than that, and you are increasing the burden on the environment. And people like the Duggars, with their 19, in my eyes, are committing crimes against humanity.

Oh, and people who keep having children because they are waiting for a girl or a boy ... that's a whole another crazy and a different post waiting to happen.