Friday, December 21, 2012

Dear Jeff

This December, we'll have been married for 7 years and known each other for 9. From the day I met you and your smile won me over, I never thought I could love anybody more or like that ever again. You were the perfect guy, so courteous, always listening, giving, patient, everything a girl could hope for in a life partner. We've had some ups and some downs and through it all, we've made it. We've been at each others' side. We've had such great times. Which is why this letter is so hard to write.

Because I am smitten by another's smile. The twinkle in his eye makes my heart melt. The way his smiles lights up a room when he sees me says there's nobody else he'd rather be around. The way he holds my hand and dances me around says that there's nothign else he'd rather be doing. The way he snuggles with me in the morning says there's nothing worth leaving my side for at that moment. And I feel the same about him. doesn't even mater that he's so much shorter than me. Really. I know we promised to love each other, forsaking all others. I have to go back on that promise.

I hope you understand, Jeff, it's not you. It's me. I hope you'll understand when you find out who it is. I hope we can still be friends ... but just look at this face, how could I not fall in love with him over and over, everyday, every moment?

Saturday, December 01, 2012

2 years 22 months later

And I finally paid for and ran a 5K. I thought it was only 2ish years ago that I started my Couch to 5K training, but no, I found this post, and it was almost exactly 1 year 22 months ago! My doctor's office gave me a guilt trip about this 5 weeks ago, and I signed up for the Jingle Bells 5K 2 weeks ago. And immediately, started to regret it. I started to freak out. I began to mentally hyperventilate. Why? The reason lies in an event that happened in high school.

Every year, our school would have a sports meet. Now me? I've never been the sports type. I've always been slightly overweight, always loved my foods, always preferred to curl up on a couch with a book and some snacks than go out and run around. So, this one year, in my last year of high school, my 2 best friends then convinced me to do a race with them. It wasn't a speed race, we had to walk with a clay pot on top of our heads. Imagine me standing there with my two bestest friends in the whole wide world, excited to share in this fun event. The starting gun goes off. I take my first step. The pot falls off. The pot breaks. I'm disqualified. I run to a bathroom and cry big ugly tears.

Now tell me you understand my deep set in the gut fear of public competitions, specially that involves running.

But, this time, I resolved to do it. I announced it on Facebook. I told family. I told coworkers. I told the nurse who does the triage at my doctor's office. I might even have told the checkout cashier at Wegman's. I kept running 3-4 days a week on the treadmill. I ran outside at my parents' place the day after Thanksgiving to get an idea of the difference between running on a treadmill and running outside. I finished my C25K training program on Friday, a day before the run. I felt good. Then I felt afraid. Then I felt silly. I went to sleep.  Dreamed about the race. Nothing negative, just general dreams related to running. Woke up refreshed. Still nervous but ready to get it over with.

I got dressed, sprayed some pain relief on my right ankle and knee (either a sprain or torn ligament), wrapped an Ace bandage around it and got ready to go. Jeff and Oli came with me. The whole Jeff kept telling me not to worry, I'd be fine. We get there in enough time to park, get some food ... Figure out its freeeeeeeezing! 8 minutes before the run's supposed to begin, I need the bathroom. Of course! Get in line for the portapotty. 2 minutes to spare and I get close to the starting line. I take a hit on my inhaler as a precaution. I put my headphones on, hit the button to connect them to my phone and ... Nothing! I forgot to sync my brand new phone last night to my headphones. I can't run without my music, this is a disaster and it hasn't even started. Ok ok it wasn't a disaster, they connected. I wave bye to Oli, who immediately starts crying, lower lip out! And everyone around me starts running. And, my internal monologue begins.

Waiting for it to begin, not realizing I am with the hardcore runners
I start running. I'm worrying about Oli.  I'm running and thinking, shoot I was supposed to do a warm up walk. Can I stop running and walk? No stupid you can't, look around, everyone around you is running. The walkers were in the back. Ugh, fine, I'll keep running. Am I running too slow? Why does everyone seem to be passing me? Why is there a car coming towards us? Are these people lost? Wait, is that a hill already? Darn it, why didn't I check how much up and down was on this course? Ok I can do this. Run, run, run, one foot in front of the other. What the hell is this song? It's so slow, ok changed, this is better. Or maybe I should switch to my audio book. I think I was on chapter 25, about 5 minutes in. Would that be better than music? Am I breathing too loud? Can people hear my grunting? Oh look, a mile done, woohoo. Wonder where the water station is. Should I just run and drink or stop? Maybe I should walk a bit. Or maybe I'll run a little more. Yayyy water, garb it while you are running, dont spill dont spill. There's somebody with a trash bag, say thanks. Oh my gosh, another hill. Should I walk up it? Nah just keep running. Oooh right leg's feeling a little jelly like. I've done 1.9 miles, maybe I should walk a bit. Ok it's been a couple minutes, think I can run again. There's the 2 mile mark, start running. Ugh, slow song again. I shouldn't have deleted my running playlist. I should create one again. Hey, I think I passed that woman twice already. And that's ok because a 10 year old just passed me. great. Another hill? why didn't they warn us this whole route was uphill? Oh look doggies. wonder what they're thinking about all of us. Don't look at the phone to see how far you've gone in the last 15 seconds. Wait till that bend in the course. Ok, made it, just wait till that turn. Ok, wait till you've made it past the bridge and all the water. Keep running, don't look don't look. Ugh, only half a mile. But, let's send Jeff a text to say I am a half mile out from the finish line. Damn slow song again, I really should have listened to people when they said I should have a running playlist. HEY LOOK the 3 mile sign. Only 0.1 to go, I can sprint this. How nice for these folks to stand by the sidelines and cheer us on. It really does make a difference. Geez, what if they're thinking, did this fatass run the whole way? Where is Jeff? Why can't I see him. keep running keep running. There he is. There's the finish thing, does that say 40 something? Yay think I did it in 41 minutes and some change.

End my internal monologue. I raised my arms in the air whopped as Jeff took some shots. I DID IT! I ran almost all of the course. All uphill. Barefoot. In 3 feet of snow. Ok fine it wasn't all uphill, and I wasn't barefoot and there was no snow. I feel awesome! I did it and I didn't die. And you know what? I might even do another one :)

Some photos from the end:

almost there

Made it through, woot woot
He doesn't look too impressed with mommy's performance

he had fun while I ran
He doesn't seem to mind the cold

Sunday, November 25, 2012

Late but not a single bit less heartfelt

I am thankful for my sister, my beautiful smart incredibly loving and always in my corner sister.

I am thankful for my parents, my always accepting, never judging parents.

I am thankful for my husband, my loving handsome always supportive husband.

I am thankful for my son, my giggling running awound curly haired cute little boy.

I am thankful for my health. Which allowed me to run 5 kilometers with a torn ligament (maybe) but definitely a swollen ankle last weekend.

I am thankful for a job that I enjoy (most days) and pays our bills.

I am thankful for friends who understand our busy days and are still there whenever we have time to get together.

Tuesday, November 20, 2012

What a call from a 2 yr old sounds like

Read the bolded as yelled

My dad: Say Hello
Oliver: Hewo
My dad: Say I'm taking milk
Oliver: taking MILK
My dad: Say I am reading a book
Oliver: reading BOOK
My dad: Say I love you mama
Oliver: I U mama
My dad: Say come home soon mama
Oliver: soon mama
Oliver: my phone, my phone, finish

cue ringtone in my ear

cue heart melting

cue no work will get done the rest of the day, sorry boss

Thursday, November 08, 2012

Oliver's birthday in pictures

Waking up to balloons in his room

He seemed to like them
He wanted the purple one to take with him to school
After school, he got to eat what he wanted "mac and keese" at Victoria's 
 (I promise his cup got water in it)

blueberry muffin from Dunkin' Donuts

His gift from us was a big hit
It was such a big hit that we had a loud crying tantrum on the ride from home to daycare because in his own words "I want to play!" I am sure he won't remember his entire day but I hope to keep some of the things we did this year - balloons in his room for him to wake up to, dinner out with his choice of food, 1 big gift from us that he'll like and use (we knew the train table would be a hit because that's the reason we cannot take him to Wegman's anymore). No big party, no dozens of gifts that he starts to expect. Hope to keep it going, though we know kids and life has a way of changing the best laid plans.

But, beyond all that, that smile was worth the frustration that goes along with putting all kids' toys together :-P We love you, bugaboo!

Wednesday, November 07, 2012

We're gonna party like it's your birthday

A letter to our son on his second birthday

Dear Oliver,

As your mother and father, we are responsible for shaping your basic personality. And we can only hope that we instill in you the basic building blocks that end up with you a strong, productive member of society. As we enter 2013 in a little over a month, I want to record this momentous decision made in MD on the eve of your birthday. The decision to let some human beings have the same rights as most other human beings. Marriage equality passed in our state. MD became one of the first states to say that gender did not matter when it came to loving individuals getting married and raising children.

I can only hope that as you grow up, my son, things evolve to the point that your generation can laugh at our generation and wonder why we even needed to vote on this. Just like our generation finds it politically incorrect to make jokes about women in the workplace or slavery, I can hope that your generation will find it not only politically incorrect but illegal to keep a woman from marrying another woman and raising children with her (or a man marrying another man and raising children with him).

I am going to go further and state that I hope by the time you are old enough to vote, we aren't even asking each other to be civil about it. In 2012, we are no civil to the people who make racist or anti-woman jokes. So, why should anti-gay emotion be accepted, in any way, shape or form? I hope they are still teaching the story about Rosa Parks. If she'd decided to respectfully accept the other side's opinion, she would still be sitting in the back of a bus.

I guess that's enough about that.

On top of everything, I hope you are a generous human being whose big heart embraces everybody you come across. I want you to be strong, accepting, loving, happy ... but I know life events have a way of bringing you down. Your biggest strength will be in the way you pick yourself up and help others around you pick themselves up.

I want you to remember, your friends are those who are always there to tell you when you are going down the wrong path, not the ones leading you down the wrong path.

I also want you to remember your mommy and daddy will always be there to drag you, kicking and screaming maybe, from the wrong path. But, we'll always, always love you.

No matter what. We'll be on your side. 

Happy birthday, my love,
Your parents

I love the wonder you show in this video:

A preview

Waking up to balloons in his room
His favorite color

Tuesday, November 06, 2012

As we count down the hours ...

to election being over, we are also counting down to our baby turning 2. Both those events have led me to some tears today. The first one was moving because this was the first Presidential election I was eligible to vote in. And I went with my husband and son and participated, as is my responsibility, right and privilege.

The second event is obvious. I don't remember if I got this weepy at his first birthday. Maybe we were planning for a huge party, maybe he had just started walking and that created chaos in this house, but I don't remember getting this emotional getting close to his birthday.

With 1 day (sort of) left till our little one's second birthday, we want him to know the ONE most important thing - we'll love him till our last breath (and maybe beyond, who knows).

a week old
a year old
almost 2

Monday, November 05, 2012

Happy and fearless

are 2 words I'd use to describe you any day, every day, ever since I've known you :)

I almost cried in the car today realizing there are only 2 days left till you turn 2. You look so small, yet feel so big to us. You have such a large, fearless and happy spirit. We love that about you!

He loves being a "helicopter"

That smile and laugh makes my heart stop

Sunday, November 04, 2012

Only 3 days to go

It has been a challenging day with the little one. A missing nap, a change in time, mausi returning home ... all of those have contributed to Oli being a terror tonight. A cute little terror though. So, it's taken me all day to get to the computer to write this up.

So, as we count down with 3 days till our cute little terror turns 2, we bring you the 3 character traits we hope he never loses as grows up.
  1. Humorous: He's always laughing, well, when not crying or throwing a tantrum, so maybe I should say he's mostly laughing. We want him to keep his sense of humor for ever. His beautiful smile wins over the old ladies at Costco every weekend. His giggle makes anybody around him giggle, it's so infectious.
  2. Loving & embracing: He gives hugs and kisses freely. He'll random run up to us in the middle of playing and hug us. Once he gets to know you, expect neck squeezing hugs and sloppy kisses from Oliver. He has also not yet met a person he doesn't like. We want him to grow up with his arms wide open for everybody, no matter how different they are from him. Color, race, gender, sex, orientations, we want him to grow up not blind to those but embracing. 
  3. Fearless: Be it climbing a chair or getting from one room to another, this kid will find the alternate way to the safe way of doing it. While it scares the living daylights out of us right now, we hope he keeps that spirit as he gets older. We hope he takes life by the horns and doesn't hesitate to climb towards his goal.

Saturday, November 03, 2012

4 ...

Even though you are learning so much everyday, you'll be my baby always! 

Here are 4 things that remind me of your babyhood, as I count down and see that there are only 4 days till you turn 2.
Your chubby fingers
Your chubby feet
 3. & 4.

Your chubby cheeks and those beautiful eyelashes!

Friday, November 02, 2012

These are 5 of your favorite things

5 days till you enter the terrible twos! Or the terrific twos. Or the tantrum-laden twos. Whichever it happens to be, I think we've been there for a few months already ;-) You are willful, loud, demanding and we wouldn't have it any other way.

Look closely ... Buzz on the pillow, Buzz in his hand

Today, I want to talk about your 5 favorite things right now:
  1. Anything that has wheels and moves: cars, trains, airplanes, motorcycles, trucks, buses. You name it. You are fascinated with it. You can recognize the sound of a train a mile away and start yelling, "choo choo kain." Yesterday, you kept repeating, "mausi get off airpane," once I mentioned that your aunt was coming to visit on an airplane, and every time you'd see one in the sky on our drive form work to home.
  2. Buzz Lightyear: thanks to your great-aunt Mindy and your grandparents, you have a dish set with he Toy Story theme and ever since you got it, you have been enamored with Buzz. You watched the movies on our flight to CA earlier this year and you have 2 Buzz figures (thanks to Jenny bua) tat you love to run around with.
  3. Eggs: yes, eggs. You could eat 2-3 eggs for breakfast or lunch or dinner any day. You also like to help me cook those eggs. You get up onto the little step ladder and ask to "help mommy." But, as soon as the eggs are done, so is your interest in helping mommy, because you jsutw ant to eat them.
  4. Blue 'nacky: Every morning when you get up, you ask for a blue 'nacky. What is that? Kellogg Nutri-Grain bars, the blueberry ones. You like picking it out of the container of all the bars and then eat it while watching his Signing Time DVDs.
  5. Ball games: be it baseball or football, that's the one thing on tv you will watch with your dad for hours. You will ask for it and you get upset if there's no game on tv. But, then we can usually distract you with your bowling ball or your rubber football. You even like throwing Smokey's ball and then yelling at him when he won't bring it back to you. I cannot wait for better weather so we can go to the park and play ball with you.
Can you see the car in his hand?
Stealing Viv's birthday gift

Thursday, November 01, 2012

6 things you love to do

Reading his Buzz book
ahhhh 6 days till my baby has been around for 24 months! It sounds so little but feels so big, you know?

Today's post brings to you 6 things that he loves to do:
  1. Burrowing into sheets/blankets: When he was a tiny baby in his crib, Oli would smush his face into the mattress to sleep. To the point that his dad and I would wonder how he could possibly be breathing that way. But, he did and he slept like that the entire time he slept on his belly. Then, we moved him out of the crib and into his own big boy (queen sized) bed. And, he loves to burrow under his quilt - even though he moves so much through his sleep that he's never under it by morning. In the morning, if he comes to our room, he'll crawl to the top of the bed and then slide his body down under our quilt and burrow. It's so goshdarned adorable.
  2. Walking to our room: Speaking of him coming to our room, since he moved to his own big boy bed, we leave his door closed but if he wakes up, he just opens his door and comes on over to our room. Which means, we almost never need an alarm clock on the weekends. We let him wake us up. He's gotten into this habit of standing at our door and giggling till we wake up. Then, when he knows we've seen him, he laughs and runs to the bed. Climbs up and tries burrowing in.
  3. Playing with Smokey: My goodness can he run around the house after Smokey. They do circuits around our dining table with Oliver giggling like a maniac. Or he tries to give Smokey hugs and gets mad if Smokey walks away. He calls him "my 'mokey." We got lucky with our dog, he's so good with babies and as we see now, with toddlers :)
  4. Dancing: This boy loves music, calls it "dancin'." The one tv show he'll watch is Dancing With The Stars. Except, we cannot watch any judge's commentary or scoring or ads because he's standing there yelling, "mo' dancin'." And, he's got moves. He wiggles his butt, he raises the roof, he bangs his head, and his favorite, he goes around and around in circles till he's dizzy. And, every now and then, he still lets his mommy hold him in her arms and he dances with her. He might be the star of the dance floor at his mausi' wedding.
  5. Reading: He loves books! I'll tell him to go pick out a book and he'll run to his bookshelf and bring me one. I am not sure he even has favorites anymore, but there are a few he always gravitates to - Are You My Mother?, there's a pop up dinosaur one that I don't even know the name of, there is a set if 3 Toy Story ones. Some nights, I have to tell him, no more, and put him to bed, because he'll keep bringing them to me to read to him.
  6. Putting on his mommy and daddy's shoes: We cannot leave any shoes lying around the house because this kid will put them on and try to walk around the house. And, then he gets mad at them if he cannot get his feet in (like, into my heels) or they are too big for him to walk in (like his dad's shoes).

Not sure but maybe he was trying to bust a move
Watching DWTS while wearing daddy's shoes

Wednesday, October 31, 2012

7 things you say

7 days till my baby turns 2. My dad told me not to call him a baby anymore and I said at least give me till he's 2! Since I'll be trying to dam my tears this entire week till the day of, I am going to talk about things about him that are new and amazing since the last post about him.

Today's post is about the 7 things he says that are just cute and wonderful.
  1. Thank you: this was one of the first phrases he learned. And, even though we have to prompt him to say it when it's needed, he's really cute when he says it. He's also starting to say "welcome" when you say thank you to him.
  2. Please: This was one of the first signs he learned and he still uses the sign even though he says it too. His signing gets more emphatic if he feels like we are not paying attention.
  3. Ayi-you: this is his version of "I love you." He absolutely melts our hearts when he says it and he's very generous with responding with his ayi-you when you tell him you love him.
  4. Help: This is one of his new words. It was on his last baby signing DVD, and he never learned the actual sign. But, he occasionally yells out "mommy help!" or "daddy help!" It could be to get him down from someplace he shouldn't have gotten up in the first place, or to get his shirt off when he's managed to get it halfway off and it's stuck around his neck and head.
  5. Bless you: We can thank Jeff for this one. Every time somebody sneezes, he says "bless you," in the cutest voice possible.
  6. What is this?: This is the absolute newest phrase I know of. 2 days ago, he pointed at the cold air return in the living room and said, "what is this?" It took him saying it 3 times for me to realize he was speaking in English!
  7. Last but not the least is the word NO!: he's pretty liberal with that. It's his first answer to any question.
I cannot wait to see how he expands his vocabulary and learns more words and phrases. I love to hear him say new things, even though sometimes it takes me a few tries to understand him.
Oliver signing "please"

Monday, October 01, 2012

Cloth Diapers for sale

Fuzzibunz one size

sunshine brand

Kawaii one size

Rumparooz one size

random brands one size

random extra inserts

XL wet bag

medium wet/dry bag

small wet bag