Wednesday, September 21, 2016

40 by 40 in 40 weeks

Thanks to everyone who weighed in! I looked at everyone's suggestions and kept in mind that it couldn't be too easy, like smiling at 40 strangers, that I do in a week ;-). And, it couldn't be so hard that I am setting myself up to fail, like running 40 5Ks, which averages to a week and impossible when I haven't run in close to 2 years.


So ta-da!!!


1 Lose 40 lbs or 40 inches
2 Walk 40 miles each month
3 Read 40 new books
4 Try 40 new hot sauces
5 Have 40 phone conversations with family/friends
6 Try 40 new beers
7 Try 40 new exercises/workouts
8 Read 40 new books to Oli
9 Donate $40 to a charity
10 Write 40 love notes
11 Try 40 new recipes
12 Send 40 post cards/letters
13 Give 40 hugs a week
14 40 free activities with Jeff & Oli
15 Introduce myself to and have conversations with 40 strangers
16 Watch 40 new movies
17 Volunteer 40 hours of my time
18 Donate 40 pieces of clothing
19 Get rid of 40 things from the house
20 Get a tattoo (just 1, not 40)
21 Learn to swim
22 Drink 40 oz of water every 4 hrs
23 Run 40 miles (>= 5 mph) (not at once)
24 Do 40 random acts of kindness
25 Go camping in a national park
26 Donate blood again
27 Floss at least 40 days
28 Blog 40 times
29 Have 40 family game nights
30 Present at a professional conf.
31 Have a girls' only weekend away
32 Bury a family time capsule to open at Oli's school graduation
33 Buy 40 shares  (after research)
34 Drive 40 miles away for dinner
35 Try 40 new fruits and/or veggies
36 Buy bikes for us & teach Oli to ride 
37 Log at least 40 hours at the gym
38 Brew my own beer
39 Eat 40 consecutive home cooked meals
40 Write 40 letters to Oli, with Jeff, to give him when he's grown up


I will update as I do things :-) I have a spreadsheet printed out for me to mark off as I finish things, because it is satisfying to cross things off with a pen.

Monday, September 19, 2016

40 before 40

So, all my close friends know I am dreading the big 4-Oh next year. I have threatened to go away and hide for a week. I have said I won't come out of my bed. I have stated I'd like to find a way to stop time on 6/24/2017 so I didn't have to face it.

But, that's just crazy. So, I started thinking of positive things to do to make my 40th birthday look good. I decided to make a 40 by 40 list!!!

It had things like:
  • read 40 new books
  • lose 40 lbs
  • see 40 different places
  • ...

And I realized that's not me at all realistically!

So, my real 40 by 40 list would start off as:
  • drink 40 new beers
  • lose 40 Facebook friends 
  • sleep 40 hours straight
  • ...
Joking ...

I might want to come to the middle and come up with a realistic 40 by 40 list, that combines the 2 approaches:
  •  read 40 new books
  • try 40 new beers
  • run 40 miles a month
  • ...
Help me?

Sunday, August 14, 2016

I can't sleep

I'm home with Oliver, after a week of being away from Oliver. This is familiar. This is my space, this is what I built for myself and my family.

It's almost 3 a.m. I can't sleep.

I had lowered the thermostat to 72 when we got home; the sounds from it downstairs made me a nervous wreck upstairs. I even walked the entire house with Oliver's Louiseville slugger. There's nobody in here. The house is alarmed,".

Yet, I cannot sleep.

I have emptied the dishwasher, emptied my suitcase and filled the washing machine.

And I still can't sleep.

Every little creak the house makes, every little sigh I hear ... I can't sleep.

I don't have this problem when Jeff's here.  But, without him, I'm imagining all sorts of things. Want macabre? I even imagined the pleadings with an intruder to not kill me because I didn't want my 5 yo finding my body!

Am I crazy? Overly anxious in a huge house without Jeff?

I don't know! All I know is I can't sleep!!!

I just heard a beep. I'm not even kidding you. I have 2 more nights of this bridge Jeff gets home and I'm not sure I can do it without going nuts!

Because I can't sleep!

I close my eyes and hear hordes downstairs, creeping up the staircase ... Maybe I've read too many true crime novels because I can way too easily imagine my fate. Yet, the house alarm is set and all the  doors are locked. So, if somebody were to breach a door, it would lead to a cacophony of sirens!

So, why can't I sleep?

I don't know and I fear I might go insane before I get my answers.

Because sleep deprivation as torture? I totally get it now.

Because I can't sleep!

Saturday, June 11, 2016

Never not be afraid

We just watched the movie Croods. Where the patriarch of the prehistoric cave family, what's his family to be afraid of anything new. He doesn't understand or like his daghter's need to discover something new. He wants them to be afraid so he can protect them.

Does that sound familiar?

No?

Think again!

You might not be doing it in as many words, but do you hover over your child at a public playground?

Do you never leave your child at somebody elses's house for a play date by him or herself?

Do you not let your child play in your front or back yard without you being attached to him or her?

If you can answer yes to any of these questions, you are teaching your child to never not be afraid. Because, subconsciously, you are passing the message to your child that they can never be ok alone. Which is so dichotomous to what we want them to be - independent, strong, confident individuals who have the building blocks to become successful adults.

I don't think I may saying leave your kid in the middle of the woods, ala Hansel & Gretel,  but I am saying we need to stop being another appendage for our child(ren).

Let them walk a couple blocks by themselves.,

Let them scrape their knees at the playground.

Let them shed a tear because of that scrape.

Let them grow up like they are supposed to.





While I hang out behind a tree, hidden from Oliver so he can be confident, without knowing his mother's a weak as ;-)

don't teach your kids to never not be afraid! 

Thursday, November 12, 2015

I can't ignore it anymore!

When FaceBook throws an old post in your face and makes you cry at work, you can't keep ignoring the fact that your child just turned 5 and could technically have started school! Oliver didn't start school because he's a late birthday, but still.

So, as he turns 5, his father and I are amazed at the things he does and learns and the ways he grows.


Some things haven't changed though. If he's awake, he's in motion. Constantly. No wonder the kid doesn't gain weight, even though he's outgrowing his pants, even the ones I just bought 2 months ago and that were 2 inches too long back then.

This photo is just so him.






He wants to help, he wants to carry things, he wants to push the cart, he wants to scan the items, he even wants to run my card and sign my name! Those last 2 things, I am going to have to keep my eye on!

But honestly, at 5, this one is helping out around the house. He has a list of chores - setting the dinner tables, getting the dog food & water, he puts away his folded laundry, he straightens his playroom after he & his friends have torn it apart at a play date, he uses the hand held vacuum cleaner to clean up small messes, he makes Jeff's coffee & his hot chocolate using the Keurig, he helps me cook!!!

I hope his wanting to help stays through his adulthood and his eventual future life partner will just repeat "I can't thank Oliver's mother enough for teaching him this well." Because, I thank my mother-in-law a lot for Jeff, who's not a helpless husband in any shape.


INDEPENDENT! holy moly, he's so independent! This morning, he informed me that in the middle of the night last night, he peeled a scab off his forehead, so he got down, got a band-aid and went back to bed. Jeff apparently heard him, and managed to get a photo.

On one hand, we are happy to see him grow and learn and not need us. On the other hand, my heart skips a beat at the thought of him one day not needing me for anything, and my lungs start to lose the ability to breathe and my eyes start to blur.

Parenthood. Always a dichotomy. Happiness & sadness at every milestone. Wanting to hold him tight and whisper, "don't stop being my baby," and screaming, "argh, if I hear mommmmy one more time!!!!"


We love you so much, our loud one, our adventurous one, our friendly yet randomly shy one. This last year has brought out your love for dinosaurs and questions of extinction, including when we'll go extinct. And some concerning conversations of our death ... but hey, we'll try to answer everything to the best of our abilities. We can't wait to see what the next year brings with you, but hopefully, you will not let go of the snuggle time in the morning that's become our tradition, or the random kisses and hugs you ask for.

We love you, we are proud of you, and you are our favorite child ;-)

yes, yes, I can already hear you yelling back at me, "But, mommmmy I am your ONLY CHILD!"