Thursday, July 23, 2009

A month since

It's been exactly 4 weeks since the accident. The flashbacks have gone down in frequency. My changed habits haven't.
- I am rarely over the speed limit
- I rarely make a left turn unless the other car's like a half mile away
- I keep looking at other people doing rash things on the road and wincing
- I am more patient; whereas before, if somebody was trying to cut me off, I would have sped up, now I just let them go.
I still get a little hyperventilated and slightly weepy when I think of that day. I still replay it in my mind, trying to think of what I missed. I still get the shakes when I see pictures of my Element. I remember the impact when the car hit me. I vividly remember how my windshield spiderwebbed. I remember the punch of the airbag into the left side of my face because I had turned my head to the right to look at what hit me. I remember feeling the car tilt and slide across the road. I don't remember the order of those events. I remember screaming, just to ensure myself I was alive.
I am not sure the flashbacks will ever go away. I keep thinking of people I would have left behind and of course then I tell Jeff that he better have mourned a year before remarrying. And, my sister says she would have never let him remarry. But, you get the point. I don't think I have PTSD but it's pretty damn close and I am hoping it goes away eventually. I just want to remind everyone life is so precious and your actions don't ust affect you; they affect the people you love and who love you. Be careful in your daily lives and remember to tell your loved ones how much you lvoe them as often as you can.


Steve Cotterill said...

Hi Sylvie:

I know we haven't been in close contact in a long time, but I recently added your blog to my RSS and just read this post. I didn't know you were in a car accident, but I'm glad you're ok.

I just wanted to reassure you that eventually, the flashbacks and panic will fade away. You will most likely always remember the accident, but the intensity of the memory will fade and life on the road will return to normal.

I hope you're doing well. :O)

Syl (previously known as Shib) said...

Thanks Steve!!! I sure hope so because this is getting old. I wasn't that seriously injured and I ahte these flashbacks. Hope you are doing well :)

Larraine said...

It's natural to feel nervous after an accident. I haven't had any bad accidents, but I was rear-ended twice in the last few years. Both times I was stopped.I wasn't hurt. However,for a long time I tended to watch people drive up behind me when I was stopped and wince a little.I think, unfortunately, flashbacks are inevitable. My husband was in Vietnam and has been out of the army for over 30 yrs. He still gets flashbacks sometimes.Seems to be the way our brains work.

Syl (previously known as Shib) said...

Thanks Larraine! I just hope that writing it down and sharing it will help the memories fade a little out of my brain.