Duck Face

An epiphany and a parenting win

Well, I wouldn't call it in a win, but more of a re-affirmation of something we said we would do as parents months ago and just kind of fell off the wagon. And this was the no-fighting-over-food wagon. We had talked and figured since Oli tells us he's hungry, when he's not eating, we weren't going to force it or make it a fight.

Well, let me tell ya, we forgot our own decision a few weeks ago. some of it has to do with the grandparents being here. Which is great, they get to spoil him, Jeff and I get to go out and drink. Win-win, eh? But, that adds a little to his defiance and I guess I started digging my heels in.  So, we've been having horrible dinner times on weekdays and general mealtimes on the weekend. He refuses to eat, I threaten with taking away a toy, he throws tantrums, he throws food, he hits, he loses more stuff, he cries, I cry, the grandma cries ... you get the picture.

I am exhausted from the fighting. So yesterday, on the way home, I told Jeff I was done! If Oli didn't eat, he didn't eat. He could tell us if he was hungry. So, last night, I put all the food on the table, had Oli pick out himself what he wanted to eat, put on some Disney and started feeding him. An hour later, he'd eaten less than half of what was on his plate and he said he was all done. And, I said ... wait for it .... wait for it ... I said "Ok honey, let's go play with bubbles."

Whew, it doesn't sound hard, but it was. I worry that he's not eating enough. I can count his ribs and his shoulder blades stick out. He's got skinny legs and arms and I worry about him growing. But, I worry more about having an unhappy relationship with him because of food or creating negative associations to meal time with the family.

So, I am giving up.

I am giving up arguing with him.

I am giving up threatening him.

I am giving up fighting over food.

I am looking forward to much happier meal times.

Till we find something new to butt heads about. Isn't that what this whole parenting shindig is about?

In the meantime, look at this gargantuan baby I have, who will be 3 in less than 3 months!!!

He's getting so tall!

The good, the bad and the ugly of toddlerhood

Dear Oli,

We are 4 months away from your 3rd birthday, yet this weekend felt like we had a belligerent teenager in the house. Let's start with the ugly. Just this morning, you threw a tantrum because I picked out shorts that were not acceptable so after cajoling, arguing, threatening, talking to you and asking you to pick out what you'd like for 10 minutes while you just stood there with your lower lip stuck out at me, I had to walk out and get your dad to go in. And out you walked in the same pair of shorts I had picked out. Then, you asked me to put you in your car seat but started crying when I did, because you wanted to climb in on your own. what was that all about kiddo?

And the bad? This was just a continuation of the weekend. Let's not lie, this wasn't the best weekend as far as behavior goes, from you or as a result, from me.  I might have raised my voice, threatened to throw away your nightlight in the garbage can, give you away to roaming Gypsies, screamed into my pillow, cried into my beer ....

BUT that's not why I started this post. I want to remember all the good, because there's a lot of good. We tend to remember all the negative and I am trying to let go of those memories and only remember that you went pee on the big potty every day. I want to remember how you sat through dinner at a restaurant Saturday night, ate your food and let us eat ours (well, thanks to the iPad but still, it's rare). I want to remember the dance party you and I had yesterday when everyone else was asleep. How you giggled and laughed maniacally as I threw you on my shoulders and danced around the kitchen. How you were excited to accompany me on my run Saturday morning and then went to take the dog out with me too. How you constantly remind me you are not a baby anymore and you are getting bigger.

You don't have to remind me Olibug, I can see you growing in front of my eyes. I want you to slow down, yet I cannot wait to see what every new sunrise will bring with it. You are learning to tell stories, you make up songs to sing, you absolutely love playing baseball and sliding into the make believe bases on our carpet. You are still very fascinated with trucks and Lightening McQueen. So much so, that we might have bought a second one and hidden it, just in case you ever lose the first one. Shhhhh, nobody tell him and he can't read this yet.

You love to be silly and play with anybody and everybody who'll play with you. I think these 2 photos show your wonder and your silliness:

Being silly on board the USS constellation

Feeling the raindrops

We love you, Oliver, just slow down a teensy weensy bit and be my baby just a little bit longer.

2.5 years

It's been way too long! Who do I blame? Oliver, for growing so fast I can't keep up with all the changes? Myself, for scheduling pretty full weekends? or both.

Oli's passed the 2.5 year mark and he's just growing by leaps and bounds. His vocabulary is awesome, he speaks in full sentences and almost correct grammar. Yesterday, we were returning a movie to Redbox, and he was holding it. He looked at it and said, "I forgot to watch this movie yesterday." He knew we had gotten the movie the day before, he remembered saying he had to watch it, then he remembered he hadn't watched it and he articulated it. I am amazed. Maybe to most people, it's nothing but the fully correct sentence out of a 31 month old is amazing to me!

Dear Oli,

You are growing so fast, mommy and daddy are afraid to blink. You are no longer afraid of the mall ride on toys. You actually get excited when you see them, especially the train one, and ask to ride it.

You are aware of everything you see or hear and have already started asking a billion questions a day.



You have started asserting your independence. You knows the rule of holding hands if we are crossing the road but as soon as we get onto the sidewalk, you pull your hand free and with a furrowed brow, exclaim, "we are not on the road anymore, mommy."

You love climbing up on the fences by our house and scream at airplanes.




But, I love that you still love to cuddle sometimes. You'll randomly ask us for hugs and pull us close. And, demand that we get a photo of the three of us.

You ask me to sing to you at bedtime or your daddy to show you baseball highlights on his phone. some nights you even tell us a story. Just the other night, you told me you saw some bad guys at the police station. They'd been fighting and one got a bad boo-boo on his big knee. I can only imagine your imagination.

Keep that imagination alive for as long as you can, my little one. And stay my little one for just a little bit longer. Mommy's not ready to let go of your hand yet even though you are.

We love you and can't wait to see what comes next.

Mommy and daddy.

Rewarding weight loss/healthy lifestyle

How do you reward weight loss goals you've reached? I had a set a 20 lbs goal for myself some weeks months ok ok years ago. I am now at 10 lbs to lose and am setting small goals, like getting under the next decade number, losing 5 etc. But, I can't think of what to use as a reward when I reach that goal.

• Food and/or drink: I don't believe in any deprivation diet; I believe in everything in moderation. So, I eat a piece of candy or a serving of chips or handful of nuts when I crave them instead of waiting till I'll binge on them. So, that wouldn't really be a reward.
• Fitting into old clothing: I already do. Since I am in the middle of sizes, and the pregnancy distributed the weight differently, I can actually wear all my old clothes right now.
• New clothing and/or shoes: I buy that stuff when I see something good and on sale. I wouldn't see it as a special rewarding thing.
• Spa treatments (massage, pedicure etc.): I just don't enjoy it enough to make it a reward. I get a massage every couple years when somebody gifts it to me and at the end of it, I always think I wasted my time and their money. I get pedicures twice a year - at the beginning and at the end of summer.
• Vacation: We already have our vacations scheduled through September and then the next one will be Christmas in CA, so no time to plan one as a reward.
• Jewelry: I haven't bought jewelry in years and it's not because of any other reason but the fact that I have enough and I don't want any more cluttering my cabinets, shelves or drawers.
• Handbag/purse: I buy a new purse every 3-4 years when the one I have starts falling apart. It's not an accessory, it's an item of usefulness, so not something I'd go spend money on to reward myself.
• Haircut: I go 2 years without a haircut and I just got one that I love, so no way am I messing this up by getting one as a reward. And, it doesn't feel like a reward anyways.

So, what do I do? How do I motivate myself through these last few pounds? Come on fellow human beings, tell me what motivates you and I might get some inspiration.