Wednesday, August 04, 2010

Being an unfair weather friend

Oh yeah, I am full of deep thoughts today.

History repeats itself, right? Unless we learn from it. I learned from mine, trust me and since my mid-20s, I'd say I am doing pretty good. I also believe that unless somebody is willing to make a change themselves, no force around them can make them change. I learned that too in my mid-20s. See the connection? So, once I realized I needed to make a change, I stopped making the same mistakes. I had help too, from my family. They were my harshest critics, and my staunchest supporters. I had a couple really good friends. I had a network of support beyond those friends too. But, the initial need for the change had to come from deep inside me. Everyone else's support helped bolster me once I made the decision in my brain and in my heart.

I find myself sometimes on the other side of the fence, as that friend or as part of that network who wants to help somebody else climb out of their deep pit of mistakes. But, where do you stop trying and decide that it is a waste of your time and emotion and effort, because this person shows no effort of their own or even any will to make that change themselves? They keep putting themselves in the same situation over and over again. You support them everytime the situation goes sour but then, they manage to find another one. Additionally, while they are in that situation, they treat you like second fiddle. They treat you like an unfair weather friend. You know what I mean? This isn't the first time, or the second time or even the third time they've done this to you?

When do I wash my hands of the whole thing?


Angie said...

I think you quit when being a friend hurts you more than it helps. When it threatens YOU physically, emotionally or does the same to those you love...

The whole thing sucks either way :(

Larraine said...

You talk about a "deep pit of mistakes." It all depends on the mistakes. Are you trying to convince someone to follow the same path that you did? They need to be ready. On the other hand if they are hurting you, it may be time to get out the "soap" and wash them out of your life.

Syl said...

Angie, yes it does.

Larraine, nope, everyone's got different mistakes and therefore different paths to correct them. I have just tried really hard to show her the reasons behind her actions and she seems to understand till she puts herself in the same situation again. And everytime she puts herself in that situation, she casts our friendship pretty much aside. And that hurts.