Sunday, May 12, 2013

I'm glad I'm turning into my mother

If I was asked to draw a picture of my mother as I remember her from my childhood, it would be her in a colorful sari, matching bangles, jewelry, bindi and shoes. In one hand, there would be a cleaning rag and in the other, a rolling pin that served 2 purposes. 1 of course was to roll out our rotis and the second was to threaten us with a beating for any infraction, it could be a bad grade, a sassy mouthed comment, a missed class, a complaint about her elder daughter (me) talking to THE bad boy at school ... You get the idea. And I'm so thankful for that rolling pin.

Ask the girl I was 20 years ago and I probably would have said I hated my mother. She was ruining my fife. She didn't understand me. She was so angry over anything that I didn't even know what she was angry over.

Ask me now. I cannot believe the things I put my mother through. I cannot believe I made her worry about my future. About what I was doing when I was supposed to be in school. About what would happen to me when I grew up.

Now that I have a child, I understand. I get it. I want him to be the best he can be. I don't want to lose my shit when he does something wrong but I totally want to kick his butt when he sasses me. And I cannot even think of when he starts dating. What's is she's a gold digger and wants all his mom's gold?

Fine, fine, I don't have any gold. But you know what I mean.

I don't even know what I mean.

All I know s having a child has made me appreciate my mom in so many ways.

Mom, thank you so much for raising me the way you did and I'm sorry for everything I did inspite of it.

No comments: